Saturday morning musings

It has been almost seven weeks since my spinal fusion surgery.  My back feels much better, much stronger than before the surgery.  The numbness and tingling down both legs are still present, but usually to a much lesser extent than before, and I can stand for a longer time before they occur.  My doctor has told me that this will probably be the last symptom to disappear, because nerves just heal at a much slower pace than bones, muscles, tendons, etc. 

What continues to concern me is the pain going down my right leg.  This was not present before surgery, and it was present immediately after surgery - even in the hospital while lying in bed.  It significantly worsens with sitting.  Now - while I am still on leave from my job - I deal with it by getting up very, very often and walking around the house and by doing my longer daily walks.  When it gets really bad, I lie down for awhile to "stretch it out" and that eventually relieves it. 

I wonder how I'll do when I return to work, since the vast majority of my job is done while sitting.  I have to say, this weighs heavily on my mind every day.  What I don't want to do --- can't afford to do --- is injure myself or hinder the healing process.  I had a nerve block done last week, which offered absolute pain relief for one day.  For one glorious day, I was completely free of pain, from head to toe.  I can't even begin to remember how many years it has been since that happened.  But then, much to my disappointment, the leg pain returned the very next day. Maybe I did too much on the day when I felt so good.  Which brings me to another thing I hate about this whole process:  I'm constantly second guessing myself and wondering if I'm doing enough, if I'm doing too much, ad nauseum. 

The doctor has offered to do another nerve block, and I think I will do that before I go back to work a week from Monday.  I am also going to talk to the doctor about what, if any, damage I could do by sitting for an hour or more while experiencing worsening leg pain.  I just feel like I have gone through too much to do something now that will mess me up.  I do not want to extend my time off.  I worry about creating a hardship for my co-workers, who have to do their job and mine while I'm off, plus I am just ready to get back to real life and to doing something more challenging with my brain than crosswords and reading who-done-its.  And, I miss the social aspect of my job and seeing my co-workers and friends. 

Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball and be able to see exactly what you should do to give you the best outcome? 

Maybe I am just worrying too much.  It sure wouldn't be the first time. 

Oh well.  It is Saturday morning and there is 85% humidity outside, so I am off to the lovely treadmill, to do my morning walk!  Can't wait for cooler weather where I can breathe again outside. 

More later --