Back and forth

So, my back has been messed up for some time now.  Years, actually.  However, it has gotten to the point this year that surgery has been discussed...at length.  I had resigned myself to the fact that it was going to happen, had to happen, before I could get back to living life in a normal way.  Over time, it has gotten to the point where I cannot stand or walk for any length of time, due to numbness and pain down both legs.  Sitting relieves it almost immediately.  I compensate pretty well at home and at work, since 98% of my job can be done while seated. 

But, you can't go through life sitting ... at least not without missing a lot.  And I have been.  Missing.  A lot.  I miss walking for fun -- with the dog or around a store or around the block.  I avoid social situations in large part because I can't stand around and talk.  I always need a place to sit, and sometimes that's just not convenient or even possible.  I have missed doing a lot of things I enjoy this year, like going to a county fair, going to arts & crafts fairs, attending a home show, and any number of other things.  I even miss going to the grocery store and just reading labels! 

So I was taken aback this week when my neurosurgeon said that he thinks I might be a good candidate for a spinal cord stimulation device, like this one.  He said it could relieve most of my pain and perhaps some of the numbness.  It sounds like such a better option than the major surgery with many weeks of recovery we were facing.  I am hopeful.  And scared.  But mostly hopeful.

I have an appointment for a consultation on getting a "test drive" device on December 10th.  If the consultation goes well, hopefully I can get the test drive done before Christmas and perhaps even have a pain-free or mostly pain-free Christmas.  That would be such a gift. But even more, it would mean that I could get the device permanently implanted and not have to face major surgery.  So I hope.  And I wait.