Pain

Pain is a funny thing.  It changes personalities.  Some people turn longsuffering into an art form and develop the patience and perseverance of a saint.  Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.  Pain turns me into a not-very-nice person.  I become biting, sarcastic, bitchy. 

The other day a driver intentionally cut me off while blowing her horn at me for an extended time. It absolutely set me off, and I experienced what can only be called road rage. After the incident was over and my heartbeat returned to a normal rhythm, I was so ashamed of myself for sinking to that level and responding in kind to a rude and selfish driver.

In retrospect, I think the underlying and driving force for my volatile emotions is pain. I have a lot of things going on physically, and I am in pain. Every. Single. Day. The pain varies in severity but it never goes away. And, I know it has changed me. My personality has changed because of it.

I read a line in a book a long time ago that has stuck with me. It basically said "life has kicked the Pollyanna right out of me."  I can definitely relate.

This is my first post in a very long time and it's definitely not my typical upbeat post. But, it's real, it expresses how I am feeling. So I will post it to my blog. This one is not about the small stuff...this one is about the big stuff.